Nancy Mitchell's blog

Why hello there....long time, no blog.

I keep saying it but I miss Vox. I miss the community. I miss the opportunity to vent, share, bitch, etc., to a small group of trusted people.

Its funny that I considered my Vox friends "trusted" because I had never met 95% of them. Through their blogs and their comments on my blog, I came to feel like I knew these people and it was fun to read about their lives and to share details of mine.

Facebook is not the same. I have over 500 "friends" on Facebook and I'm not comfortable sharing the kind of things I shared on Vox. I miss having that outlet.

Don't get me wrong. I really have enjoyed Facebook and having the opportunity to reconnect with people from my long-ago and no-so-long-ago past. I tend to be lax at staying in touch with people. I've always been that way and I don't like that about myself, so Facebook has allowed me to not completely disappear.

Its also given me the opportunity to remember the person I used to be when I was young. Catching up with friends from my childhood has been an expected benefit of Facebook. So many of them are still the same people they were that I so fondly remembered. Its comforting in a way...like getting a chance to go back to a time when life was much simpler.

That being said, I still miss Vox and the ability to do this....just write what you're feeling.

I'm happy that some of my Vox community are now Facebook friends. I enjoy seeing their pictures, hearing about their pets, their new babies, their boyfriends and their jobs....but I still miss what felt like a deeper connection via Vox.

Forgive the "wah-wah" tone of this post....I'm just feeling nostalgic.

My Favorite Ending....

"I find I am excited, so excited I can hardly hold the pencil in my trembling hand.  I think it is the excitement that only a free man can feel, a free man starting a long journey whose conclusion is uncertain.

I hope Andy is down there.

I hope I can make it across the border.

I hope to see my friend and shake his hand.

I hope the Pacific is as blue as it has been in my dreams.

I hope."

From "Rita Hayworth and Shawshank Redemption"

Wahhh....I miss Vox already. I guess I have some playing around to do to figure this out.

Blueberries and Sardines

That was the theme of my latest culinary adventures.....

 

First the blueberries.   For the past few years, I've been weirdly obsessed with the idea of canning.  My mom used to can pickles, jams, rhubarb sauce (my favorite), stewed tomatoes (my least favorite) and I was always fascinated  by the process.

Since I've been exploring my culinary talents, I've become quite interested in teaching myself how to can.   Fear of messing it up has prevented me from just doing it.  Until now that is.....I read about a great "starter" kit from Ball, which includes everything you need to boiling water can.   I broke down and bought it.

Dan made a trip to the Farmer's Market and purchased a crate of blueberries, so I no longer had any excuses to try it.

Saturday morning my kitchen turned into "Canning Central".....starting with the meticulous washing and picking through of the blueberries, drying them, crushing and measuring them and getting them into the pot.   Next came, the jar, band and lid prep.   Followed by the actual processing prep.

Once everything was prepped, I was ready to go.......

Two hours later, I had 6 half-pint jars of Blueberry Jam.   A lot of work, but mostly a lot of waiting.   It was worth it and it was FUN.   The jam is good....I think I cooked it a bit past the gelling point, so its more of a "spread", but on a whole wheat english muffin, it was divine!

Next up:   Strawberry Jam, Apple Butter and Marinara Sauce.

Later on Saturday, I tried a new recipe that I have been DYING to experiment with:   Grilled Monterrey Sardines with Lemon and Fresh Herbs.

Dan picked up the fresh sardines fresh off the Whole Foods truck on Friday morning......

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Because I'm a puss about heads and eyes, Dan cleaned, gutted and scaled them.....without the benefit of a filet knife.  (Next time, the fishmonger will do this job!)

 

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After a fresh herb and lemon zest marinade, a couple of minutes on a hot grill and a sprinkle of a green olive/red onion/fresh herb garnish, we were ready to dig in.

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They were so delicious.  Smoky from the grill, light from the lemon, crisp from the herbs, tangy from the olives.....a definite winner.

We even shared the last one with Ziggy...who after a few tentative sniffs, gobbled it right up.

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Yum.  So good.

The "Ex" Factor...

Are you in contact with your exes?   If so, are they ex-spouses, ex-significant others or ex-flings?    (or a combination of all three?)

I have never been one of those people who felt the need to have my exes remain a part of my life.    There isn't a particular reason for it other than that I believe when a relationship is over....its over and move on.

In this era of social media, it makes keeping your distance much harder.    Exes "friend" each other all of the time.   I have a number of my exes in my Facebook friend list, but they are really there more as a courtesy than because there is an existing relationship.  And I should make it known that I have never initiated the 'friending"....I merely accepted them.    Why?   I don't really know.  I suppose curiosity about a person's life...where they ended up and how they turned out.    No ulterior motives on either side.   No one wants to rekindle anything....no one is holding a torch for anyone and no one is hoping to hang on to a past that doesn't exist anymore.

Thankfully, my romantic history doesn't involve any huge, horrible breakups.  No cheating, no abuse, no drama....just relationships that ran their course.    Because of that, I question why I have no interest to be friends with my exes.   I'm not holding on to any negative feelings because I don't have any.   I sincerely wish them all well and hope they are happy.   I think I'm just wired to want to move on when something - anything - has ended.    I don't like to dwell and ruminate on past relationships....especially the ones that I ended.  I know why they ended and I have no interest in revisiting either the good or the bad.

I am surprised by how many people won't make a clean break with exes.  I suppose a lot of it is because breakups are very rarely 100% mutual.   Someone wants to hold on out of hope, anger or curiosity....but I don't think its healthy if the motivation isn't purely innocent.   I know so many people who want to be friends with their exes, their exes friends, the exes family, etc.   I find it kind of sad because its trying to hold onto a connection that isn't there anymore.

I look back on nearly every relationship I ever had, with fondness.   I don't regret dating anyone that I did.  I have zero animosity toward any of my former paramours and I don't think any of them have any toward me.  In fact, I'm grateful to most of them because they taught me lessons about life, myself, relationships and friendships.   But even so, my life has moved on from where I was and to hold on to some long-ago connection seems pathetic to me.

I am curious about those people who NEED to be friends with their exes and everyone associated with their ex.   How do people move on when they are stuck in the past?   And when you know that your ex doesn't want anything to do with you, why do some people hold on like a dog with a bone?    It is a lack of closure?   Unfinished business?   Wanting answers for why the relationship ended?   Maybe when people aren't happy in their current situation, they tend to romanticize past relationships?  Whatever the reason is, I don't understand it.

Hubby and I talk about this a lot - for a variety of reasons...most recently because while doing some cleaning out of storage lockers, we discovered a number of letters Hubby had written to his ex-wife during their "courtship".   In those letters, he talked about his BIG love....that one that set the tone for all other women after her.....a girl from high school (not his ex-wife).   Anyway, I have heard about this woman for years because Hubby always spoke highly of her.    I found out that they have "friended" each other on Facebook and I was dying to get a glimpse of her.   (there goes that curiosity thing, I guess!).   Anyway, I have seen pictures of her and heard stories over the years and wanted to see her now.   We pulled her up on Facebook and she was just adorable.   Very different from what I pictured, but she just looked like such a nice woman.   It was weird to imagine her dating my husband, but I felt like I knew her from the things he has shared about her.

I asked him when the last time they spoke was.   Apparently, it has been years.   He couldn't even remember who friended who on Facebook.  I asked him if he would ever consider contacting her to say hi and to see how she's doing.    His response surprised me.  He was adamant that he didn't have any need to contact her....that she was in the past and that it would be weird to just pop in out of the blue.    I was kind of disappointed mainly because I wanted to hear how her story ended.   I knew about their relationship, why and how they broke up and how much he loved her...but I wanted to know where she ended up.   Because of how much he loved her, I found myself liking her by osmosis or something.   I figured if he loved her that much and she was so important to his life, I liked her by default.    He doesn't have one ounce of negativity toward her at all.    He never has either.

But Hubby was pretty firm that he didn't want to reach out for "old time's sake" and it got me thinking about me and my exes.  I would NEVER do what I asked him to do...for the same reasons he wasn't interested.   

The past is the past.  The good memories you have about a person will always stay safe, fresh and untouched in your heart and mind.

The bad relationships also belong in the past and its up to you to keep those memories as far away from you as you can.   No one should try to convince you otherwise because its the "right" thing to do.   If you have a person from your past that conjures up nothing but negative memories....you don't have to have them in or around your life. 

QotD: Movie Soundtrack

What's the best movie soundtrack of all time?

Without a doubt.....Purple Rain.

I dare you not to start grinding your hips when the first few notes of "Darling Nikki" come on....

Da DA da DA da DA daaaaaaaaa..............

 

 

Purple Rain

P.S.   The first time my mother walked into my bedroom and heard this song playing, she nearly shat herself.    I ended up playing the song backwards where he talks about God.....after a bit of "spin" (no pun intended) on my part, I was able to convince her that Prince was really a nice Christian young man, who just talks about sex a lot.

"Its a Good Thing" and "Not So Much"

To quote my beloved Martha Stewart...

It's A Good Thing:

Smore's Bread Pudding.   OK...I LOATHE bread puddings, but I ADORE the taste of S'mores so I when I found a recipe, I had to try it.   I made it late last week and it was crazy good.  Warm, s'mores-y, rich.   I'm getting goosebumps just thinking about it.

Dan's Asian Lettuce Wraps.   Because I love to cook, I do 99% of the cooking in the house.  I tend to hog the kitchen and the cooking duties.   Dan is the Grillmaster and I fully relinquish those responsibilities to him.  He also makes me a mean Egg White Omelette, but he's not typically a cook.   Yesterday, he made some from-scratch spicy Asian Lettuce Wraps.   They were so good and it was a nice treat to have dinner made for me.

My sister JoAnne's "electrocution" machine.   I don't know exactly what its called, but its a handheld machine that you attach to sore muscles and it gives you little zaps of electricity.   I've had it done at chiropractor and physical therapy offices.   Last summer, she bought one for herself.   While in Mexico, I was bellyaching about my constant sore shoulder and how I can't find any relief after 3 years.   Nothing helps....no drugs, no specific exercise, nothing.   So, she loaned me her machine and I love it.   It kind of freaks me out because I have this fear I'm going to electrocute myself and because it clearly states to NOT place the electrodes on your head or your heart....but then I get that weird "what would happen if I DID attach it to my head" thought.   But it really does help - even temporarily.  

Visiting with Dan's Uncle Harry.  I really don't know Dan's family very well...especially the "extended" family members, so I was delighted to be able to visit with Harry and ask him questions about Dan's family.   I love people's stories and am generally very curious about people. so it was so nice to visit with him.   Plus, I love "mature" men....I don't want to say old because Harry is totally handsome and suave.   Dan had a second cousin (I think) named Frank who I met at a family gathering and I just fell head over heels for the man.   He was dressed so well and was just a charming, interesting man.   Unfortunately, he died not that long ago.  I wish I would have gotten to know him better.  Because of that, Dan and I are making a commitment to stay in better touch with Uncle Harry and his wife.

My mom makes me laugh.  Speaking of loving people's stories, Dan and I took my mom on a bunch of errands this past weekend and when we were done we went back to my mom's place to visit for a while.  (and because she made Dan a Lemon Poppy Seed Cake - one of his favorites).   We started to talk about my parent's best friends....people who are very dear to all of us Mitchells.   My mom told a story about the husband that I had never heard before and before long, all 3 of us were hysterically laughing.    The more my mom laughed, the harder I laughed.   When my mom laughs really hard, she throws herself back in her chair and lifts her legs up off the ground.  She's done it as long as I can remember, but for some reason it struck me hilarious on Saturday.   Later that night, Dan informed me that I do the same thing when I laugh hard.   Who knew?

Not so much:

Ziggy's crazy Spring shedding.   He's losing his winter coat and even though he went to the groomer's last week, he's still losing hair like a madmen.   In addition to all of his other ailments and issues, he was recently diagnosed with Seasonal Flank Alopecia.   Fool dog.   He has two bald strips running down his side.  I don't think its possible for him to have anymore weird issues.

Insomnia.   I've been doing my weird not-sleeping thing again.   I never sleep that well anyway, but lately its been really bad.   I can't fall asleep and when I do, I can't stay asleep.    I don't do well with a lack of sleep, so hopefully it will change soon.

Ever since we got back from Mexico, our stupid DVR is jam-packed again.   (refer to previous posts regarding my weird DVR-OCD issues)  We have the last 5 weeks of Lost, FlashForward, Breaking Bad and The Amazing Race...not to mention my shameful shows such as Sober House, Melrose Place and The Challenge:  Fresh Meat 2.   We've been so busy since we've been home, we haven't had much of a chance to watch anything and this after our "space available" number was just over 90% before vacation and now its at 40%.  Argh.

That's all for today.

 

 

Yay and Nay...

Its late and I can't sleep, but I don't have the ambition to write a coherent post tonight, so how about a Yay and Nay list?   Hey, its something..

 

YAY:

Bryan Cranston and Breaking Bad.   Love the show, love the man.  Who else can make a cancer-stricken, bald, middle-aged meth-selling chemistry teacher sexy?

Cinnamon Bears from Lund's.   Chewy, cinnamony deliciousness.

Spring.  My chives and rhubarb are popping their pretty little heads up.  I can't wait for my herb garden and fresh pesto.

New sheets.   I love the feel of brand new sheets.  I'm partial to dark colored ones too.

My mom.  She said something really sweet to me today...something unexpected and it made me feel great.

Joan Jett on David Letterman.  That woman looks like a million bucks and sounds better than ever.   I really love her attitude.

Butterscotch Cheesecake.  I finally conquered my fear and made a cheesecake for Easter.   According to the guests, it was wonderful.  I tried it and did love it as well.  It wasn't nearly as scary as I'd made it out to be, but I was very careful with the recipe and the timing.   I wish I would have taken a picture. 

 

NAY:

Income taxes.  I can't even say how much we owe to the Federal Government....it will make me vomit.   P.S.  If you owe us any money, be prepared to fork over a check.

Unresolved arguments.   I really don't like "elephants" in the room.   Awkward and so unnecessary.

People who take their own pictures.   It kind of creeps me out...always has.   The thought of posing for a camera that I'm holding seems very "Miss Lonelyhearts" or something.

Melissa Etheridge (my no-so-secret girl crush) and her wife split up.   I've seen Melissa every year that she's performed in the Twin Cities...starting with 1989 at First Avenue.   Went backstage to meet her a few years ago and she was just as sweet as I'd hoped....and really tiny too.

People who talk excessively about alcohol consumption on Facebook....especially after the age of 25.   Seriously, its embarrassing.

John Forsythe died.   So sad.  I had a big crush on him for years.   He had that beautiful voice and he always looked like he just stepped out of the shower and was on his way to the tennis court.  (I dig the preppy look....especially on older men)

My brother and sister in law's dog Sydney died last week....barely a year after his brother Winslow died.   I just hate hearing stories of people losing their pets.   Ever since losing Jake, I cry when I hear about other pets now.

 

That's it people....I got nothing else tonight.

Sleep well my fellow Voxers.

"To Forgive is Good....but sometimes I want to stay mad"

That's the title of a magazine article that I came across on vacation.  I don't recall the magazine or the author's name, but for some reason it really hit home with me.

A little background...I have always considered myself to be a forgiving person.  Especially if the transgression was aimed at me.  I have a harder time forgiving people who are cruel or thoughtless to those I love.   When you really think about that, its a little backwards.   I should be harder on those that are nasty to me and let other people fight their own battles.  That seems to be how most people do it, anyway.

That being said, for the past year or so I've found that my ability to forgive certain people and certain transgressions has suffered.  I now longer want to give "blanket" pardons for things done against me.   I want to forgive only when the person in question has truly shown their remorse and not because its expected of me.  And I want to forgive with the faith that the behavior in question is truly in the past.

I've struggled with this because there is this pressure to forgive everybody of everything.  However, I'm no longer of that school of thought.

So when this article crossed my hands, I realized that this man was saying exactly what I was feeling.  I hope you don't mind, but I've typed the article below.

TO FORGIVE IS GOOD, BUT SOMETIMES I WANT TO STAY MAD - Author unknown (OK..I forgot!)

Some years ago, a barrage of thumping, galloping noises routinely issued from the apartment upstairs as if baby elephants were competing in the 50-yard dash.  I went up one day to politely inquire.  "No, nobody's making noise here" the husband and wife both insisted.  It must be coming from elsewhere in the building."  Two children about five years old, each holding soccer balls, stood right beside their parents.  "Could the thumping be your kids running around, perhaps playing soccer?", I asked.  "Oh no, we never let the kids play in the house."

For months, the pattern continued:  the thumping and galloping above, our delicate check-in, the denial.  It got so that every time I saw the couple, I glared without a word of greeting.  When they moved out of the building, the thumping stopped.

I supose I could have forgiven my neighbors this infraction and spared them the glare.  After all, forgiveness is in, a trend spawning best-selling books, foundations and research institutes.  The notion has gone well beyond spiritual leaders advising that forgiveness is good for the soul and that hard feelings will turn us bitter and hostile.   Now the medical community cites studies showing that forgiveness can prevent heart attacks, lower blood pressure and even ease depression.

I may be outnumbered, but I still believe in the healing power of the grudge.   I've deployed grudges with an equal-opportunity sense of fairness - against teachers and classmates, bosses and colleagues, family and friends.  I've chosen to stop speaking to certain people permanently and occasionally even spoken ill of them - but more with incredulity than a sense of revenge.  I'm neither proud nor ashamed.  But I've discovered that nothing feels quite as satisfying as a grudge well nursed.

I had a boss who took a dislike to me from my first day on the job, even though she hired me.  There were no complaints about my performance, but I later learned she'd lied to co-workers about me.  Without explanation, she laid me off after only ten weeks, just before Thanksgiving.  I had a family to support.  Was I to forgive her?  Should I now?   GIve me one good reason.  My grudge against her balanced out that injustice, somehow righted the universe.  It has kept me warm on many a cold night.

Under the new mandate of blanket absolution, should I forgive the cousin who invited us to dinner only to make an Amway pitch?  Or the friend who sent me a public relations client and then harrassed me for months for a 10 percent finder's fee?

I'm not against forgiveness per se; I have forgiven people for rudeness as well as for deep misunderstandings and have done so without holding on to hard feelings.  What I deplore is the propaganda about forgiveness.   No longer an option, forgiveness is an edict.  Forgiving so democratically cheapens the very act.

A long standing grudge suggests that we hold certain standards, that we respect ourselves enough to reject bad behavior.  Failure to forgive can be just as righteous, just as honorable as forgiveness itself.

When someone apologizes, however, with sincerity, not calculation, it can make a difference.  I had a close friend in high school who ditched me after college and has avoided me for all the decades since.  At our 15th high school reunion, I had the chance to ask him why.  He said that I had always made him feel inferior, as if he gave offense.

And he had a point:  I'd made fun of him - I'd thought good-naturedly - until he withdrew.  Face-to-face at our reunion, I apologized.  He declined. 

I know how it feels to go unforgiven.  And guess what?  It feels deserved.

What I love most about this article is his honesty at the end.   We all want to be forgiven for things we've done to others, but sometimes it just isn't possible and that needs to be OK.

For me, the blanket forgiveness that I've shown certain people over the last few years has been detrimental to me because deep down, I really didn't forgive the person all of the way.  I forgave them "enough" to play nice, but the action that I was supposed to have forgiven would still lay there, dormant until another incident occurred.

I can easily forgive little things like phone calls not returned, forgotten birthdays, someone doing some harmless venting about me behind my back, silly little misunderstandings.  I don't need apologies for those things because we all do them.  We all are insensitive, moody, pissy or clueless at some time or another.

My issues are the things that go to the core of who a person is.  Disloyalty, brazen backstabbing, a lack of respect for my feelings, taking someone for granted or taking advantage of another....those are the things that I can no longer turn a blind eye too.

I feel good about it.

SIDEBAR:  For those of you reading this, please do not assume its about you.   This is a general post about my feelings on a generic subject.

A quick update...

After the holidays, I intended to start regularly posting here again....but like most New Year's resolutions, my resolve went in the crapper.  Oops.

I really do enjoy writing things here, interacting with my Vox neighbors and reading about other people's lives.  (I mean, how many episodes of Invention and Hoarders does a person have to watch before you realize that most people's lives are much less dramatic?)

So....since I have a few minutes, I'm going to write a few random/updates/thoughts......hey,  its something.

1)   My DVR is at 98% availability!  For those of you who may recall my previous admittance of OCD tendencies, you'll know that I have this weird obsession with seeing the percentages on my DVR go down.   This is the lowest its ever been.    I realize this is of no consequence or significance to anyone else, but it makes me feel strangely satisfied.

2)  We've been catching up on our Netflix....and have seen some really good movies including Julie and Julia, Frozen River (HIGHLY recommend it), Doubt, The Curious Case of Benjamin Button, etc.   I also went to the theater to see The Lovely Bones and Precious.  Precious was the most intense movie I've ever seen in my life.  I had to sit in the darkened, empty theatre at the end to compose myself.   People actually were wailing and left the movie theatre mid-way through.  It was very well done and Mo'Nique definitely deserves her awards, but I will never sit through that movie again.

3)   I've been doing a ton of cooking/baking lately.   After a hiatus during the holidays, I'm back in the swing of sauteeing, braising, stewing, dicing and kneading.    I love to create in the kitchen and I'm open to trying just about anything.   I've had a mental block about cheesecake, however.   I made one once and it didn't turn out well at all....since then, I've avoided even attempting to do another one.   (Yes, I am a perfectionist....if I can't do something right, I don't want to do it at all)   I made homemade bread (no bread machine, thank you very much), biscuits, candy, cakes, most kinds of cuisine....but cheesecakes are my wall.  Before Easter, I'm going to try it again.   Wish me luck.

4)   Christmas was a feast of great gifts.  Its terrible to admit, but I really loved the gifts I recieved.  My friends and family who know me well know that buying me anything kitchen-related delights me.   This year, gifts ranged from a 10-inch Wusthof Grand Prix Chef's Knife, a collection of gourmet salts, truffle salt, prep bowls, mixing bowls, a hardcover book about gourmet cheese, a subscription to Food & Wine Magazine, gift certificates to Williams Sonoma, Crate and Barrel, Bed Bath & Beyond, a french rolling pin, a bamboo salt cellar, truffle oil (I'm going through a truffle phase right now), Martha Stewart's latest cookbook, biscuit cutters, a pastry cutter, a food scale (for converting all those European recipes).   And that's just a partial list.   I know...its criminal.   But hey, I'm an easy person to buy for. 

  There was a news report recently that said men should never buy their significant others the following gifts:   A vacuum, clothes, kitchen appliances, cookware or lingerie.   I completely disagree with 3 of them.   Guess which ones?   Buying clothes or lingerie is just plain creepy.  The other three are my dream gifts.   (next to jewelry, of course)

5)  Speaking of jewelry...Dan gave me a beautiful Tiffany Key necklace for Valentine's Day.    I squealed and wore it around the house in my nightshirt and robe for the rest of the day. 

6)   We're getting ready to go on our two week vacation in March to celebrate our anniversary.  The first week is in Cozumel where we got married and we'll be joined by my sister JoAnne and her husband Richard.  The second week is just the two of us in Isla Mujeres where we honeymooned.  During the second week, we'll be volunteering with a local organization called Isla Animals.  A non-profit rescue/adoption/medical organization that was started by an American couple who moved to the island.  I've been in contact with one of the founders and we can't wait to spend some time during our trip helping out.   We volunteered with a local vet on our honeymoon and  came VERRRRY close to bringing a 3-legged dog home.    This time we plan to bring a bunch of donated medical supplies to help with some upcoming spay/neuter clinics they have coming up.  We're planning on hitting up all three of our vets for donations or the opportunity to buy supplies at cost.  We thought it was a nice way to help memorialize my sweet Jake, who was himself a rescue cat.   

We're not sure what we'll be doing during our volunteer days, but we offered to clean cages, run errands, socialize puppies, walk dogs...whatever they need.  I really can't wait to see the animals and meet the people who run the organization.  

If you're interested in seeing what they do, log onto www.islaanimals.org.   We intend to take a lot of pictures and video.  

Well, dear Vox neighbors and friends....that's a brief update on what's been going on here.   I hope you're all doing well and hope to catch up with all of you soon.

Now I'm off to make Wild Mushroom Risotto and enjoy an evening watching Inglourious Basterds. 

More later....